I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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