OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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