I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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