it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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