I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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