and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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