I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
