He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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