5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
