is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
