we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
