____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
farters have to be the big spoon...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
