i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
