My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
