Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I lost the right to judge tonight
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