Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were trust falling into bushes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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