he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize