but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
