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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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