Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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