He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
