The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
