i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
