When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
