suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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