I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
