I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
