Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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