The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
