ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
