We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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