Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize