Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
