Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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