Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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