I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think people are normalizing furries
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
