maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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