The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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