What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
