I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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