hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
