So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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