It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
