did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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