He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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