so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
