God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We left the knife in your bed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize