dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
