we made out on top of his cat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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