I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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