he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
