you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize