He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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