I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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