areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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