Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i don't like sucking hair
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
