I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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