just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
