I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
