I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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